Today is my father's death anniversary. My father died when I was 12 years old. Today, it has been 24 years that I didn't have a father. Come to think of it, I lived twice as long without a father, than I had.
I was a daddy's girl. I'm the eldest. Next to me are two boys, Neal and Jared. For so long, I only had 3 siblings. Then, when I was in 5th grade (1990), my mom got pregnant - with Shane, my little sister. Then, my father died. Shane was only over 1 year old. And my mom is pregnant with our youngest, Ace, when papa died.
Growing up, loosing my dad was my greatest fear. I would wake up in the middle of the night and listen to him if he is still breathing. But September 2, 1992 changed my life forever.
That year, there were too many deaths in the family. Fifteen days before my father died, my Uncle Ben died due to appendicitis. There house is far from the hospital, that when his appendix burst, they have to transport him for how many kilometers (apporoximately around 3 hours) to the City Hospital, that by the time they arrived, it poisoned him, which caused his death.
After 15 days, my father and my aunt, (the wife of Uncle Ben) died in a vehicular accident. My Uncle Ben and Aunt Jesusa has 6 children. My mom was widowed with 5 children plus another 6 from my Uncle and Aunt because they all stayed with us when they were orphaned.
For us kids, we had instant big siblings, so we were happy. We have not felt the sadness of losing my father because there were so many people in the house.
Fast forward to today, thank goodness, we didn't die of starvation. My father's insurance money had helped us. Indeed having a life insurance is very helpful for our loved ones that we're going to leave behind. I myself believe in life insurance. I am intending to get one very soon since I'm done paying for my memorial plan, so that my kids won't have a hard time when I'm gone. Death is certain. If we can't beat it, might as well prepare for it.
Although my dad left us life insurance, around Five Hundred Thousand in the year 1990’s – with my mom having single income as being an elementary school teacher, (eventually she became a school principal), it just helped us through college. Well, my mom had saved money from me, because I was on academic scholarship for four years and my aunt helped me with my allowance every week. But the insurance money didn’t grow. Since it was not invested in business or stocks, through no fault of my mother, because she's not financially inclined, it depleted eventually.
Lessons learned, I don’t want it to happen to my kids. As early as now, I’m trying to teach them financial literacy and I’m subscribing to Brother Bo Sanchez’ Truly Rich Club. They guide people in investing money in the Philippine Stock Market.
Also, I’m looking at different insurance companies for a life insurance premium that is easy on the pocket. You just have to inquire to look for the insurance that would fit your budget. Now, I’ve shortlisted mine to Sun Life and Manulife.
Death is like a thief in the knife. The death of my father changed me. There was longing for a father figure. There was this hole in my heart and in my life that can't be filled in. I thought, I won't survive, but I did. It's a lengthy process of healing, especially because my father was such a dedicated, loving and generous man.
During the early days of his death, when I missed him so much that I cry myself to sleep. I would dream about him. And in my dream, he would hug me. And when I wake up, I miss him less, because he was able to hug me. That supply of affection would for months. Then, when I'm running low, he would hug me again in my dream. That cycle continued, until I was eighteen years old, when I fell in love with my boyfriend, who is now my husband.
How did I survived? In prayer. In fact, I thought, having someone, having a boyfriend or husband to complete me, will heal me, will make me whole. But honestly, not totally. It just helped. Especially with the insecurities. It gave me self esteem. But it only last, when we are okay. Relationship is not all sunshine - we know that. Thus, when we fight over little things, I still go back crying my heart out and wish that my father is with me, that life won't be so hard if my father is with me.
But in 2006, six years after I got married, was the turning point in my life. It's having a deeper relationship with God that made all the difference. I was praying about everything, my work, life, myself, my husband, my kids. It's just simple conversation with God. When difficulty strikes, I lift it up to him or I pray about it. I've realized that when I rely on my strength, my human strength, that I feel depleted. Which should not be. I should give all my cares to God. His strength is infinite. I can take on the world when I am with Him. I was made whole. I found myself and I've never been happier. God gave me back my life after my father's death!
So give all your cares to God, and allow God to give your life back to you!
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